Just...Toluwa

For a friend, a dear, an inspiration......

now if only serena had a body like you
and beyonce a face like you
then just maybe i might be into them too
but my dear they still just not you
what's scary is that you got the brains too
so a deadly combination is you
and i know whatever you put your mind to
that's just what you gonna do
so that the world sits back and applauds on cue
at the inspiring actions of you
now guys they want to be with you
and most of them just won't do
so what they do is try to diss you
to make you feel less than you
they pump you up with emotions untrue
to bring you down a notch or two
but i'll be honest with you
there was a godess born in you
and the only thing that was ever wrong with you
is that you just too beautiful
and if that act is all so sinful
there's the biggest sinner lurking in you
and no one can ever rob off you
the shine in you so true
so the only one to come in the way of you
my dear can only be you
and the onlookers can only come off being in awe of you
and when you do the things you do
that brings out the star in you
so the angels come saying 'i know that beau'
i can say 'i know her too'

The Cheat, The Mistress and The Wife

There she stood, just steaming at the corner with a gun in one hand and a knife in the other. Plain as day but in the dead of the night, I’ve been caught pants down with my mistress by my wife. A thousand questions come rushing through my brain, but there’s just one of those questions that been driving me insane. It’s not how she caught me in hotel out of town or how long she must have known this was going down. It’s not why she didn’t lay in ambush at the house, slipping poison in my coffee every morning by the ounce. But how the hell light as day that it had to right here I find out my wife can handle a semi automatic without a blink of fear.

And she’s staring into space with eyes all misty, and I feel the churning of the elements within me. I’m searching for the words to say, to try to explain. I’m not in love with this woman, the sex was the aim. I’ve lied and I’ve cheated, I’ve been real bad. But my heart belonged to her, it always had. It was the sex that drove me to this, the things she wouldn’t do, I love my wife every much but I love sex too. And there were things that I wanted and I just couldn’t ask and here was this lady who was up to the task. I had to lie to get what I wanted but she did it all the same, it was a mutual understanding, we shared no shame. But here it seems my own actions have brought us to this, here stands my wife in front of me with a gun and she’s awfully pissed.

She’s asking why it had to come to this, why was there cheating. She’s screaming the words ‘I loved you’ ‘I would have done anything for you’. I’m softly saying ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you too’. She’s screams ‘Would you shut up’ and as sure as rain I do. I’m scared of the gun talking and repeating her words, because if they do I won’t be singing with the birds. I’d be lying with the fishes and even though I deserve it, I’d rather tally that event cause the thought of it itches.

She’s repeating her questions they coming ever louder, I’m trying to calm her down but they carrying more power. I’m down on my knees trying to explain, but I’m ever so sure I’m talking in vain. I do love her so, I try to make her see, I’m a man and I erred but that’s just me. We can start again, we can make this work. All we need is time, her forgiveness and we can talk. I’ll make this up to her, everyway that I can. I’ll spend the rest of my life doing it; I’ll find a way to be her man. If only she’d put down the gun and let this pass, I swear right now I’ll do anything she asks.

Suddenly my mistress, who’d all been so silent, breathes the words ‘I’m sorry’ in way that’s all so penitent. I try to hush her down, for fear of making things worse, my wife shuts me up with just half her verse. My mistress continues speaking, and starts to explain, my wife and she are talking and then things become plain. Here I was my ego so blinded, I didn’t see what was right in front of me as I was so hind sighted. My wife wasn’t here pissed that her husband had a mistress, she was here cause her mistress had a mistress and her mistress was her husband.

And I made the mistake only a man can; I let my ego go and raised a fit and a damn. And there my wife solved her problem once and for all, she put several bullets in me as I stood there tall. And I finally found out why she brought the knife, cut me to pieces after she ended my life. So here I lie at the bottom of a river in a third world, a cheat who was cheated on by more than one girl.

Stolen

i start my day the same way I end it
inlove with you
whether near or far
my mind remains fixed on yout
they say you don't take a thing with you
when you leave this crazy world
they wrong about that you know
because i take the memories i made loving you
wherever I go
be it heaven or hell
a state of non existence
or a world far unknown, a parallel universe
as long as i have the lifetime spent loving you
i'll bear what each possibility has to offer
because no suffering or torment
could compare to a day without you
and no joy or pleasure could evenly match
the glory of your smile
so let death usher forth it worst
i'll bear it all
with your name between my lips
and end my life better than i started it
swept away inlove with you.

Suicide Tales...Installment one?

Dear Diary,

Sitting here in this tavern, drinking bottle after bottle I waste away. I'm writing this here drunk as I am as I have no where else to go. Pass the bottle pour it down, turn the frown upside down. If only this could alleviate the darkness. I’m smiling now but how long will the alcohol last?

This was a beautiful day till now. The sun shone so bright this morning and the moon looked so promising on my way home. I got a promotion today and closed a deal I never even hoped I could. Signing bonuses paid in cash. I went round to buy the classiest wine I had ever had. Tonight would be a celebration, a high point of the day.

I had set all plans in play to thank the woman who laid in wait. I would get home and dawn her with this necklace that I’d found and sprinkle on the floor the petals of the roses I had in hand. I could kiss her so lightly then swoop her off the floor. Take her to the living room and wait for the knock on the door.
Dinner would arrive, she couldn't cook tonight, she had to be spoilt and pampered for putting up with this old broken man. I’d feed her with my own two hands. Then carry her off to the bathroom and wash her feet and hair. Then to the bed to massage her aching bones cause she must have had a hard week slaving for you know who. Then back to the bathroom to cleanse her aching soul. Sponge her down and bathe her with bubbles, kisses and hand. Then back to the bedroom to make the sweetest love I could, to pleasure the woman I love tonight was the endeavor I had taken.

But as my car pulled up the driveway, the bedroom lights lay glaring hauntingly. Nothing unusual to alert my senses, why would it? I opened the door and walked right in. Dinner arrived early so I set it down on the table and the candles lit. Snuck upstairs as quiet as I could, I wanted to surprise her but I suspected she already knew I had arrived home.

I know you think you know what lay awaiting me, and I know you know you're right. You’ve heard this tale a 1000 times. If truth be told and to yourself be honest, most people have experienced this before at one time or the other. But diary, my dear diary I know you think you've heard it all, I know you think you know it all, but diary sweet diary, you need to know the reasons for the bottles I’ve been downing. There as you expected was my wife with another man, in the explicit act of illicit sex. Doing things I never would expect, well because they had never been done to me. And in truth that was what sparked my jealousy.

These are things I had wished were done to me, things I had, had to pay other women to do. But that is beside the point. There I stood watching, suddenly become aroused and the thought of joining them did creep into my mind. But then the rage over took me! A jealous uncontrollable rage as would fill any man. She was doing things she had never done to me and so I like every lovers tale involving rage I sought my gun to end this stories page. But as I returned in my gun trotting rage, the vision displayed to my eyes made me freeze to the spot by the door. For right there the sight to greet me was my wife with a bloodied axe and her lover in pieces.

I watched as she chopped him with passion and skill of an x-rated butcher. And like my aroused manhood, my gun too receded. To the darkness of the corner I found myself retreating as she hacked up him pieces and then bagged him. After which to the attic she proceeded. In that room that lay above me every night, I found the God the atheists had denied. For all over the wooden floor that was meant to lay bare, laid bodies of broken men.

My heart raced, my eyes watered, my stomach churned. She placed the bag down and sat right beside it. She liked her fingers and a cigar she lighted. In the bedroom where I found myself seconds later, I watched the bed, sheets soaked in blood and pillows stained. And I released this was where every night I laid and suddenly my legs discovered the power within them.

So here I am in a bar on some desert road, drowning bottles to clear my head. My phones been ringing, you know who it is. She must have seen the dinner I had carefully laid. It’s been a few too many bottles a text comes in. Three words ’I love you’ from the woman I had married.

Diary dear diary, please advice, the next move i should make, as the next bottle arrives

A Black man speaketh

I am a man, a proud man, a black man, a hunter,
A farmer, a father, a provider, a wrestler,
A son, raised and placed at the head by the ages of time
Birthed from a woman, loved by woman, raised by woman, taught by many.
I am a man, a black man, a hunter.
I see my prey, I set my traps, and my desires become mine.
This is how it has been
How it was shown to me...by a man
A strong man, a proud man.
I am the hunter
So tell me please when I became so unwittingly the prey?
Yes I saw her first, but it was her who decided she wanted me
Yes I persued her, but it was her who laid the traps and who caught me
What role reversal is this?
There I thought I was the master
Yet she rules my house
So that in my very home, ever so subtle she commands me
I am man, tall, strong, desirable...this I have been told
I can have anything my heart desires
When did my heart begin to desire her?
I am a man, I seek to hunt to feed
Now I seek to please her.
I am a man, caught, branded and kept by a woman
I am a proud man, a provider, a wrestler
I fight for her and I provide for her
I am a proud that she choose to ensare me.

It takes a woman...

I met her 1st by paper. Just a name accompanied by words. A combination of which inspired emotions in me i could not deny. They learnt a voice as then unheard and thus a personality and a then a face 2 This person yet unseen.
Words that demanded a reply, a lovin retort for the emotions they stired. These were given and more words ushered forth from her. Words That produced a wanting desire to share these emotions they envoked.
They caused a penmanship in me that hadn't till then been discovered. Those words that make my internal workings change and now i breathe to return the favor. To inspire in her what she has in me.
To cause these longing for words to possess her as it has me. But not just any words, no, it they have to be mine. They have to stir in her the desire to read them constantly, to breathe them. Till they become her waking thought and dying obession.
I need to instill in her a wanting to share every emotion she feels, every thot that runs through her head till she is filled with obession for me.
Such are the power of words. But not just any words but the right words, said at the right time and delievered in such a manner as to cause any soul to stir. Words that calm the angry beast, that quench the souless fire of a sun. Words that once ushered take up a life of their own as if possessed by the breathe of God. Words dat inspire wars and cause even the hardest hearts to beat still.
Words that have brought me to this! Obsessed and broken, lost and loving every moment. It is words that have overtaken me and so words i must return in kind till i can fully repay the hand she has dealt me

Forgive Me.

Here's to my dreams,
forgotten ambitions.
Forgive me, my childhood fantasies,
All you are now are just fond memories
I never betrayed you
I just adapted to the the game to the cards life dealt me
I never changed, you are still my heartfelt desires
I will always keep you close
But the light of day you may never see
Things just didnt turn out as dreamt
My hands became to slippery to hold on....