Monday, December 26, 2011


I take comfort in the fact you won't read this
Or ever see the manic depressive I've become
There are days I lie to myself I don't need you
There are days I can't stand the sound of your name
There are days I think I don't like you
There are days I accept that you won't be coming home
There are days I feel I could just kill you
But just end up broken down in bed
There are days were the world illuminates nothing but you
And I wake up still wishing I'm dead
There are days where it's so hard to breathe
And I'm so overwhelmed, then your memory pops up in my head
There are days I can hardly make it out of bed
And I want to claw your name out my head
There are days I detest everything about you
But I could never ever live a life without you
There are days that hold promise and days with none at all
But there hasn't been a day I don't love you
There's never been a day I don't think of you
Or pray our futures end up together in the end
There hasn't been a day I've been able to be me without you

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Let's strike a bargain
I'll switch souls with the dead
So they might have my body
And walk beside you instead
Maybe then you'll see reason
When you hear the praises they said
Maybe they can lead you
To that paradise in your head
So let's strike a bargain
My life for that of someone you love
So that they may comfort you
Give you the love and acknowledgement you so want
Maybe then I'd have a reason
And a purpose might come my way
And I might be able to add something positive
To the life that you lay.

Nomad Thoughts

I'm just a host for these thoughts and feelings
Fighting to burst through, to survive
To finally breathe in air of their own
Held back by the essence that is me
Finding their dreams still remain unreal
And deep inside they continue to rebel against me
Cooking up a storm, so they can finally be rid of me
They don't see me as human
I'm a just a mechanism, a machine
Utterly useless to their loved ones
And to those they find feelings for
Thoughts and reason have no need of me
They watch and listen as I stand by
Everyone around me has a problem and need
But I can't satisfy them
Neither can I do anything
Helpless as a man
Weak as a machine
My thoughts have finally questioned
The reason and need for me

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Best Night Ever

He walks into the club with no expectations

He walks straight for the bar, the music is almost flirtations

He grabs a drink and turns to the dance floor, the girls looks so sensuous

He finds her from across the room and it’s like he finding beauty for the first time

And for the first time in his life he feels no chills, no fear

He walks up to her, confident, cool and calm, like he’s done this a thousand times

Expecting as he reaches her, he’ll choke and walk back to the bar drink in hand

But he gets there and there’s a look in her eye

He finds he’s saying all the right words, making all the right moves

For the first time that night she has a dance partner

And he’s a dancing sensation even though he’s failed every dance class he’s ever been to

She’s moving and swaying, he’s so enchanted he doesn’t even notice he’s dropped the glasses

It’s like he’s dancing on air

She grabs his hands and takes them to the bar to order drinks

He takes a shot of vodka and it’s like the first time he’s ever had one

The dryness washing down his throat, it’s like a new sensation

He can’t stop staring at her

She grabs his face and plants him a kiss

He feels this is the first kiss he’s ever had and every other kiss he might ever have would be judged by this one moment

She smiles; she knows exactly the effect she has on him

He takes another sip of his drink; it still feels like the first

There must be over a dozen other beautiful women in the club

But he can’t see anyone but her

There must be over a hundred guys in the club and he can tell she’s got everyone’s stare

She makes her way back to the dance floor with him in tow

Captivated as he is, he’s mesmerized

She sips her drink and kisses him for all to see

He’s the envy of all on scene

The alcohol slips down his throat and damn, it’s another new sensation

Totally better than anything he’s ever known

He can actually swear he’s stop breathing a long while ago

She’s never stopped dancing, her body constantly moving, constantly charming

He’s lost to the world and for him it’s the best night of his life

She runs her hands down his face and his body goes numb, her hand is all he feels

Her jewel eyes like a drug, transporting him to paradise

She knows the effect she has on him

And just when he thinks he’s on pleasure overload

She turns around and puts her hips to his waist

She’s twisting and swaying, he stopped hearing the music playing

And when she knows he’s excited, she can feel him

She grabs his hand and leads him off the dance floor

They make their way to the conveniences

All he can see is her moving, her body still swaying, her body rhythm still playing

She’s humming a tune but he can’t even hear it

She’s opening the doors, still leading him on

He can’t figure out anywhere he’d rather be, not now, not ever

And as she pins him to the wall and mounts him with a kiss

His whole life flashes before him

Yet he can’t think of any night he’s ever had that could be better than this

She’s kissing and undressing him, his whole body is burning up

And in his alcohol stained breath, he can swear he’s catching glances of flames

He feels her desire, her heat; he’s never felt more wanted or more needed

He’s never felt a woman ravage him like this before

He sees her when she pulls the knife from her boots

But he doesn’t care; he not even phased that’s the first time he’s observed what she’s been wearing all night.

She has him in her arms, her body squeezing on his and all he can think of is sin

And as her body moves, as she begins thrusting feverishly, her nails bite into his skin

And soon after, so does the knife

With every thrust her body makes towards his, she’s accompanied by the knife

And in all his pleasure, he’s well aware of the blood spilling from his body but he doesn’t care

Her passion grows with each penetration of the knife

And he can feel the life force leaving him

He’s holding on desperately for the finish

The final kiss, the climax that would whisk him away to el paradisio

Her blood soaked hands brush the sweat from his face

But they can’t wipe away the smile he has planted there

She gives him one last kiss before she pulls away

His clinging on to watch her wash up

She never stops moving, her body still swaying

She blows him a kiss as she walks away

With his last breath leaving him

The only though left on his mind stands clear

This was the best damn night of his life.

silly thing

i imagine you standing by the door
dressed in nothing but a thin black silk
i imagine taking you into my arms
your smell intoxicates me
i grow weak as i feel your warm embrace
at first too afraid to look into face
a lil afraid that your beauty would blind my eyes
but then i take you in and it's always a sensuous surprise
i imagine my hands around your waist
i'm loosing consciousness as my hand strokes the small of your back
it's like i'm dying when your lips find mine
and every time, i swear i loose my mind
i imagine your hands locked in my hair
it's like i'm walking on chocolate covered silken air
i imagine the glorious smile that shapes your face
and believe it comes from feeling of having me near
i imagine you waiting there for me
that's how i make it through my days

Saturday, June 25, 2011

where is my mind?

where is my mind?
i'm lost in thought, feeling, emotions and such
i haven't written a story in months
my thoughts are tirelessly swimming
but barely make the shore
am i lost or just unsure
am i without direction or without a clue
in places unknown or just unknown in places
where is my mind?
am i that lost without you?


these days i find faith in the oddest places
in a flower growing by the brick passage way
in a text sent abstractly with just the word, hey!
in an offline message of just a sentence or a buzz
in a video chat lasting hours
in a flashing smile, without thought or reason
in you...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A speck of dust

I'm lost, I'm hungry, I have no where to go
I'm alone, depressed, the world doesn't feel like a home
But who cares, who's there?
Who sees my hungry stare?
Who sees the tears as they pour down in my despair?
I'm unemployed, broke, homeless and broken
I'm degraded, disgraced and judged by words unspoken
I've arrived at a point where I see the ghosts in the shadows
And when I look at the dust, I see bones, all broken and hallow
All I am to you are words, thoughts and ideas
But you won't even listen, you see, to you, I'm not even there
I cling to falling curtains, as they draw close my life
Trying to find a memory, of a time things were alright
Trying to take a breath, that maybe someone would remember
But what do you care, I'm just the winter in December
And I'll pass on unknown, uncared for and un-thought of
No one would even notice, I leave nothing to be in want of
My words would remain unread, my thoughts unheard
And yet I have friends, some would dare say I have loved ones...
None ever really knew me nor the lives, I lived
The woes I bled, the troubles I breed
I was just a face, a speck of dust on the sand
I was heard when I was born, but I go silent on my death bed
The silence was my life, the words I said unheard
I came loved and wanted
I leave unloved, unneeded
Unheard, unknown....just a speck of dust on the sand

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Grinch

We've all heard the story of the Grinch
When I was young, I used to think this guy was just plain stupid!
I mean, he gets all these toys and rather than make himself some dough
He grows a heart and gives them back to the kids
I mean how lame!
But then a friend told me a story years back
About the richest man in the world
He's old, crippled and weathered
He spends his days counting all his gold
Coin for coin, daily, to make sure they are all there
He spends his day polishing them, inspecting them
My friend explains, the old man is the richest man in the world
Because he's the last living person
And so he's got all the money in the world
But nothing to spend it on
So he fills his days counting them and polishing them
And I suddenly realized that the Grinch had an angle
Return the toys, makes some friends, win some hearts
At no cost to himself, he was, I mean returning back what wasn't his
And at the end of day, he gets a free meal, the joy of good company
And even some gifts for himself
And at no cost to what an angle.
So here's to the Grinch, smartest green bastard I ever read of!

To Steve

I'm not a writer, I'm a fibber.
I spin meaningless tales to entertain
In the hope of leaving a legacy, something, behind for anyone
In the hope that when I'm gone
Someone might remember me, think of me
Meet Steve, he's got the same idea as I, or is it me
Unlike me, he's got a regular 9 to 5
Works hard, does his share of giving, his share of loving
But for some reason, he doesn't feel fulfilled
In his mind, there has to be more to life
So he searches for that greater meaning
That something that defines him, distinguishes from the rest of world
Be it a Nobel prize, an Oscar, a Grammy, a Pulitzer, hell even a community award
He's been searching for years, and at this point, no offence, he'll take a bloggers award.
Just something to give his mundane life a purpose
Everyday for the past 5 years, he walks into the same coffee shop
Buys a muffin and a latte, smiles at the girl at the counter and cracks a funny
To her, in her little world, these are the best twelve minutes of her day
Seeing him smile and listening to his voice
He's her reason for waking up in the morning
And her reason for pressing on each day
But poor Steve doesn't see this in his search for meaning
And as she fights the cancer thats killing her
Her only reason to see his smile,
He misses the fact that he's her hero, her world
That to her, his impact on her, gives her the strength she needs
It's to easy to miss the things that matter
A warm beer with friends, a smile from a someone that loves us
A kind word.
What are all the awards in the world, without someone to share them with
What's the use of a legacy, without someone to leave it to
It's the little wins that matter, we all have an impact on someone
And to someone, we are all that matter
And just making their day, making them smile
Beats any award any man can offer
But poor Steve slaves on, unfulfilled
Oblivious that his very smile, saves a life each day
A life that could go on to save another, and that life another
That may give birth to the future leader that ends world hunger
An accomplishment dear Steve remains oblivious to
Till his dying day...

Oblivious that his smile

Sunday, February 13, 2011

My Pet

You walk into a room like air slipping into a vacuum

For all those asphyxiated lungs to breathe

And shockingly you don’t realise that’s the effect you have on me

And on everyone else who has the chance to spend time with you

I’ve learnt you cannot choose the way people make you feel

Or the effect they have on you when they leave

You may choose to dull your emotions with alcohol or reasoning

But in the end it doesn’t change how you feel

So it’s better to learn to appreciate the moments

You get to spend with those you enjoy

And if you surround yourself with all those kinds of people

So I want to surround myself with you

And seeing as these feelings are never shared with many

I want to take my time in sharing them with you

And when they ask in years to come, the reason and motivation for who I am

I swear my dear the answer is you.

And I know you’ll never understand the reason why I love you

Just like I can’t figure out why you love me

I’m just glad I met you and got to be with you

And wait for the moment you say...I do.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Wudan Monk

I'll turn into a stone bridge, endure a 1000 years of rain, 1000 years of wind, 1000 years of snow just for the hope that someday you might cross my path

Friday, January 21, 2011

Question the Answers

Forget about the questions, it’s the answers that keep me awake at night

Cos’ if the answers are solutions

Solutions to the issues bring conclusions to the problem

Meaning after the answers there’s nothing left to do

So if you are my answer to all of life’s questions

You see my dilemma dear

So let’s have a fight or two

So i can conjure up ways to make up with you

And let the fear that I might not wake up next to you

Motivate me to find more ways of pleasing you

So even if my answer is always you

The question becomes ways of loving you

Even though I may not have to prove to you

The way I feel about you

I want to make sure when the life is through

I’m sure I ended it with you

With a smile on your face

Your answer still being me, too


Let’s call a spade a spoon

Let’s dabble around with words so eloquently

Let’s call these caricatures, toons

And mask the way we feel with words that have no meaning

We can retreat to dreams and ambitions

Then evaluate our lives on words unspoken by others

Let’s take breaks from our lives and selves

And find meaning in little fistfuls of air

And in the end you’ll grow and become happy

While we try to connect the dots on how that became

And I’ll sit and write your life’s parody

Filled with all the things you were to scared to play

The easy route has always been best traveled

So why would our lives be any different

And as a gift of your life’s accomplishment

I’ll do the one thing you always dreamt to do

I’ll break my own heart into a thousand pieces

And baby you won’t feel a thing