Inspire Me

Brand me a thief, label me your liar
Burn me with the vilest names that your heart desire
Scream songs of my faults till the heavens burn heavy and noir
Sting me with the insults left for murders and traitors
With the darkest emotions I rear inside of you
Preach door to door of every vile deed bearing my name on cue
Instilling in the heavens the craving to reject my soul
Rain down every curse your soul can bear in whole
On my character, person and on my soul
Yet I’m still standing, I’m still here
And at your darkest, when your heart is heavy and your soul is broken and no one can hear
When you’re at your lowest time of need
You find me, knowing you can always depend on me to help you breathe
That I’ll always be there, your constant tower of solace
The drug you can take to help you focus
Knowing whatever life you live and breathe
You will always suffer me
As my burning effect, good or bad, will always be there in your life

Silly Nonesense

Here, the thoughts that go on swimming in my head
Of how I won’t get to heaven when I am dead
Stuck down here with these drugs instead
With all the hate that I’ve been fed
From all of the girls I did not wed
And there they wonder why I pop these pills
It’s just for the way they make me feel
While yet keeping me functional still
3 days and running with no sleep
Living simply on coffee and self medication
With no need for food to fuel my condition
Watching my grades get better without fault
So now I’m convinced there’s no reason to halt
As the drugs keep me focused on the things I ought
Helping me to forget the things I am not
Unlike people, who always find me short
They keep me numb and carefree
While I lose everyone that meant everything to me
Why is it geniuses always end up empty?

Ramblings: One more lie

I stand here labled a liar and a thief
Whose only profession is to spread misery and grief
As such I promise to be swift
If you'll indulge me this one more lie I need to steal
A lie to make you understand how I truly feel
A lie that would finally explain me
A lie to set you free
So forgive me this lie, the next and the one after
While you watch me lie my heart away
Some how hoping you find peace in the words I say
As I tell you I’ll be alright and there’s no need to worry
That I need you to understand that all I want is for you to be happy
And that it doesn’t matter who you’re happy with
That my love is unconditional to my last breath
It doesn’t matter if it’s not returned
That all my hopes and dreams have not been forever burnt
That this heart you’re walking on now, can never be broken
That I’m stronger than you think, even when you're the one walking
That I’ll love hearing from you
And I don't really need to know you're okay to make it through
It won’t kill me inside every moment you with him
And that you didn’t have me walking with the dead, when you told me that you loved him
That I’ll move on and let go of you
Never hoping that you’d come back running to
That I won’t wake up constantly in a cold sweat, lost and confused
Possessed by dreams filled with you
That I won’t spend days not wanting to get out of bed
Wishing every sort of illness on myself in my head
That I won’t spend time listening to outdated love songs
Imaging singing them to you all day long
Reminiscing of the times you moaned my name
I won’t remind you of what we had nor what once was cupids aim
Of how every time you asked, I came back to you
And even when I faltered my heart stayed true
I won’t be pretending when you call that all is well
I would never be caught holding back tears nor exposing you to my living hell
I am a man, I need these lies
But I share them to you to make it easy for you
So walk away my love, to the man you love
I won’t be wishing he were me

All the things I've been

Been the husband, the friend, the lover,
yet I’ve never worn a ring
been the brother, the father and crutch
yet I never had kids
been the giver, the provider and priest
wonder why I never learnt to receive
been the hero, the villain, the godsend
yet the devil bears all his marks on me
been the artist, the channel, the saint
yet salvation lies far from reach
been your strength, your weakness, your fix
yet I never understood the power within me
been the sinner, the sin, the temptation
seems forbidden is all I was meant to be
been the devil, the victim, the curse
all the talent that lies within me
been your everything, your love, your meaning
yet in the end I always mean nothing
been the present, the past, the forgotten
yet the future I never seem to be
the beginning and the end
the final page I always see
the path of Dante I forever seek
till the wings of Icarus come to save me

Love is a drug

These emotions are like a drug
Addictive in small doses
Obscuring the mind from what really is
And like every true addict you make excuses because of the way it makes you feel
And no matter how bad the crash is
We all come back for one more hit
One more taste for that sweet feel
With no regard for where this would lead
While the world fuels this belief
Making us feel odd and out of place for abhorring the addiction
And so this condition is thus accepted as a norm
But I am tired of the illusion
Tired of trying to fit in
And so I am in rehab
So I can learn to be free
From this drug called love
That once ensnared me

Fool that I am

My demons keep me comfort here
Consumed by the company of all my past sins
Here I dwell in the darkest regions of me
Cast there by the ones who professed to save me
They preached of love and all its comforts
But look where love has led me
To the filth of the darkness that lives within me
To the pain and emptiness left only to demons and devils
I believe in hell now, for I was cast from my ignorant heaven
For the one classic sin that all men are doomed for
I dared to love; I dared to share my heart
And in the immortal fire of the abyss this has led me to
Love is a demons trickery to ensnare the soul in gentle treachery
It is the hang mans noose leading only to pain and suffering
For you hurt the ones you love
And the ones who love you eventually kiss you with the sweet blow of a demons torment and misery
No man ever cried for hate or from the mortal blow of hates tender caress
A vile creature this cupid be, for he shoots arrows meant to inflect mortal wounds
And yet deranged creature that I am
I still love, even when I have no heart to share
With tears and ash, I still crave the warm feelings loves treachery would offer
To see the sun bask against her face
Her tender smile
To bathe unashamedly in the knowledge that she is happy and loved
Oh fool that I am

Dashboard Confessions Pt II

Now here's my take on it years later, lol

Never felt this way before
Never wanted anything more
Want to tear the doors down
And let her in on all my secrets
Want to let her see under my skin
Let her wear the clothes I’ve been in
Let her spend time in my mind
In the darkest corners that reside within
But my fear is what she would see
And how she would receive
The man inside, she has never seen
Would he repel her and make her flee
Then the voices inside speak to me
‘What’s there to tell that she will not see?
If you love her so then don’t let her know
It’s best for you to her show’
So on a clear blue night with the summer breeze
I ask her out to come and meet me
She arrived not a bit too early
Called out my name, me being in the basement
I asked her to come down and so she did
To find me knife in hand, blood on fist
With a stiff on the floor carved to bits
‘This is who I am, I can’t fake it
Thought you should know so asked you here to see it
But before you say or do a thing
I need you to know I love you more than anything
Or anyone I’ve ever known
And if you need me to let this go
You’re the only one that can make it so’
She looked into my eyes to see
The savage desire that lay within me
Tears rolling down her face
She could take no more so turned away
I couldn’t take it, this was a mistake
And destroyed the only person I ever loved in my wake
I moved to her slowly and turned her round
Told her I loved her and apologized for letting her down
I’d understand whatever action she’d take
Whatever happened now, the consequences I’d face
With tears and sobs she slipped the knife from my hands
And very slowly turned around
‘It’s alright baby’ was all she said
As she placed the knife quite skillfully into my chest
And with one swift blow she slit my throat
As her savage laugh gargled from to meet my ears
It suddenly became clear, only evil can love the evil men do
As the voices whispered ‘you fell in love with someone just like you’