Olamiji

I take comfort in the fact you won't read this

Or ever see the manic depressive I've become

There are days I lie to myself I don't need you

There are days I can't stand the sound of your name

There are days I think I don't like you

There are days I accept that you won't be coming home

There are days I feel I could just kill you

But just end up broken down in bed

There are days were the world illuminates nothing but you

And I wake up still wishing I'm dead

There are days where it's so hard to breathe

And I'm so overwhelmed, then your memory pops up in my head

There are days I can hardly make it out of bed

And I want to claw your name out my head

There are days I detest everything about you

But I could never ever live a life without you

There are days that hold promise and days with none at all

But there hasn't been a day I don't love you

There's never been a day I don't think of you

Or pray our futures end up together in the end

There hasn't been a day I've been able to be me without you

Growl

Let's strike a bargain

I'll switch souls with the dead

So they might have my body

And walk beside you instead

Maybe then you'll see reason

When you hear the praises they said

Maybe they can lead you

To that paradise in your head

So let's strike a bargain

My life for that of someone you love

So that they may comfort you

Give you the love and acknowledgement you so want

Maybe then I'd have a reason

And a purpose might come my way

And I might be able to add something positive

To the life that you lay.

Nomad Thoughts

I'm just a host for these thoughts and feelings

Fighting to burst through, to survive

To finally breathe in air of their own

Held back by the essence that is me

Finding their dreams still remain unreal

And deep inside they continue to rebel against me

Cooking up a storm, so they can finally be rid of me

They don't see me as human

I'm a just a mechanism, a machine

Utterly useless to their loved ones

And to those they find feelings for

Thoughts and reason have no need of me

They watch and listen as I stand by

Everyone around me has a problem and need

But I can't satisfy them

Neither can I do anything

Helpless as a man

Weak as a machine

My thoughts have finally questioned

The reason and need for me

Best Night Ever

He walks into the club with no expectations

He walks straight for the bar, the music is almost flirtations

He grabs a drink and turns to the dance floor, the girls looks so sensuous

He finds her from across the room and it’s like he finding beauty for the first time

And for the first time in his life he feels no chills, no fear

He walks up to her, confident, cool and calm, like he’s done this a thousand times

Expecting as he reaches her, he’ll choke and walk back to the bar drink in hand

But he gets there and there’s a look in her eye

He finds he’s saying all the right words, making all the right moves

For the first time that night she has a dance partner

And he’s a dancing sensation even though he’s failed every dance class he’s ever been to

She’s moving and swaying, he’s so enchanted he doesn’t even notice he’s dropped the glasses

It’s like he’s dancing on air

She grabs his hands and takes them to the bar to order drinks

He takes a shot of vodka and it’s like the first time he’s ever had one

The dryness washing down his throat, it’s like a new sensation

He can’t stop staring at her

She grabs his face and plants him a kiss

He feels this is the first kiss he’s ever had and every other kiss he might ever have would be judged by this one moment

She smiles; she knows exactly the effect she has on him

He takes another sip of his drink; it still feels like the first

There must be over a dozen other beautiful women in the club

But he can’t see anyone but her

There must be over a hundred guys in the club and he can tell she’s got everyone’s stare

She makes her way back to the dance floor with him in tow

Captivated as he is, he’s mesmerized

She sips her drink and kisses him for all to see

He’s the envy of all on scene

The alcohol slips down his throat and damn, it’s another new sensation

Totally better than anything he’s ever known

He can actually swear he’s stop breathing a long while ago

She’s never stopped dancing, her body constantly moving, constantly charming

He’s lost to the world and for him it’s the best night of his life

She runs her hands down his face and his body goes numb, her hand is all he feels

Her jewel eyes like a drug, transporting him to paradise

She knows the effect she has on him

And just when he thinks he’s on pleasure overload

She turns around and puts her hips to his waist

She’s twisting and swaying, he stopped hearing the music playing

And when she knows he’s excited, she can feel him

She grabs his hand and leads him off the dance floor

They make their way to the conveniences

All he can see is her moving, her body still swaying, her body rhythm still playing

She’s humming a tune but he can’t even hear it

She’s opening the doors, still leading him on

He can’t figure out anywhere he’d rather be, not now, not ever

And as she pins him to the wall and mounts him with a kiss

His whole life flashes before him

Yet he can’t think of any night he’s ever had that could be better than this

She’s kissing and undressing him, his whole body is burning up

And in his alcohol stained breath, he can swear he’s catching glances of flames

He feels her desire, her heat; he’s never felt more wanted or more needed

He’s never felt a woman ravage him like this before

He sees her when she pulls the knife from her boots

But he doesn’t care; he not even phased that’s the first time he’s observed what she’s been wearing all night.

She has him in her arms, her body squeezing on his and all he can think of is sin

And as her body moves, as she begins thrusting feverishly, her nails bite into his skin

And soon after, so does the knife

With every thrust her body makes towards his, she’s accompanied by the knife

And in all his pleasure, he’s well aware of the blood spilling from his body but he doesn’t care

Her passion grows with each penetration of the knife

And he can feel the life force leaving him

He’s holding on desperately for the finish

The final kiss, the climax that would whisk him away to el paradisio

Her blood soaked hands brush the sweat from his face

But they can’t wipe away the smile he has planted there

She gives him one last kiss before she pulls away

His clinging on to watch her wash up

She never stops moving, her body still swaying

She blows him a kiss as she walks away

With his last breath leaving him

The only though left on his mind stands clear

This was the best damn night of his life.

silly thing

i imagine you standing by the door

dressed in nothing but a thin black silk

i imagine taking you into my arms

your smell intoxicates me

i grow weak as i feel your warm embrace

at first too afraid to look into face

a lil afraid that your beauty would blind my eyes

but then i take you in and it's always a sensuous surprise

i imagine my hands around your waist

i'm loosing consciousness as my hand strokes the small of your back

it's like i'm dying when your lips find mine

and every time, i swear i loose my mind

i imagine your hands locked in my hair

it's like i'm walking on chocolate covered silken air

i imagine the glorious smile that shapes your face

and believe it comes from feeling of having me near

i imagine you waiting there for me

that's how i make it through my days

where is my mind?

where is my mind?

i'm lost in thought, feeling, emotions and such

i haven't written a story in months

my thoughts are tirelessly swimming

but barely make the shore

am i lost or just unsure

am i without direction or without a clue

in places unknown or just unknown in places

where is my mind?

am i that lost without you?

Faith

these days i find faith in the oddest places

in a flower growing by the brick passage way

in a text sent abstractly with just the word, hey!

in an offline message of just a sentence or a buzz

in a video chat lasting hours

in a flashing smile, without thought or reason

in you...

A speck of dust

I'm lost, I'm hungry, I have no where to go

I'm alone, depressed, the world doesn't feel like a home

But who cares, who's there?

Who sees my hungry stare?

Who sees the tears as they pour down in my despair?

I'm unemployed, broke, homeless and broken

I'm degraded, disgraced and judged by words unspoken

I've arrived at a point where I see the ghosts in the shadows

And when I look at the dust, I see bones, all broken and hallow

All I am to you are words, thoughts and ideas

But you won't even listen, you see, to you, I'm not even there

I cling to falling curtains, as they draw close my life

Trying to find a memory, of a time things were alright

Trying to take a breath, that maybe someone would remember

But what do you care, I'm just the winter in December

And I'll pass on unknown, uncared for and un-thought of

No one would even notice, I leave nothing to be in want of

My words would remain unread, my thoughts unheard

And yet I have friends, some would dare say I have loved ones...

None ever really knew me nor the lives, I lived

The woes I bled, the troubles I breed

I was just a face, a speck of dust on the sand

I was heard when I was born, but I go silent on my death bed

The silence was my life, the words I said unheard

I came loved and wanted

I leave unloved, unneeded

Unheard, unknown....just a speck of dust on the sand

The Grinch

We've all heard the story of the Grinch

When I was young, I used to think this guy was just plain stupid!

I mean, he gets all these toys and rather than make himself some dough

He grows a heart and gives them back to the kids

I mean how lame!

But then a friend told me a story years back

About the richest man in the world

He's old, crippled and weathered

He spends his days counting all his gold

Coin for coin, daily, to make sure they are all there

He spends his day polishing them, inspecting them

My friend explains, the old man is the richest man in the world

Because he's the last living person

And so he's got all the money in the world

But nothing to spend it on

So he fills his days counting them and polishing them

And I suddenly realized that the Grinch had an angle

Return the toys, makes some friends, win some hearts

At no cost to himself, he was, I mean returning back what wasn't his

And at the end of day, he gets a free meal, the joy of good company

And even some gifts for himself

And at no cost to himself...my what an angle.

So here's to the Grinch, smartest green bastard I ever read of!

To Steve

I'm not a writer, I'm a fibber.

I spin meaningless tales to entertain

In the hope of leaving a legacy, something, behind for anyone

In the hope that when I'm gone

Someone might remember me, think of me

Meet Steve, he's got the same idea as I, or is it me

Unlike me, he's got a regular 9 to 5

Works hard, does his share of giving, his share of loving

But for some reason, he doesn't feel fulfilled

In his mind, there has to be more to life

So he searches for that greater meaning

That something that defines him, distinguishes from the rest of world

Be it a Nobel prize, an Oscar, a Grammy, a Pulitzer, hell even a community award

He's been searching for years, and at this point, no offence, he'll take a bloggers award.

Just something to give his mundane life a purpose

Everyday for the past 5 years, he walks into the same coffee shop

Buys a muffin and a latte, smiles at the girl at the counter and cracks a funny

To her, in her little world, these are the best twelve minutes of her day

Seeing him smile and listening to his voice

He's her reason for waking up in the morning

And her reason for pressing on each day

But poor Steve doesn't see this in his search for meaning

And as she fights the cancer thats killing her

Her only reason to see his smile,

He misses the fact that he's her hero, her world

That to her, his impact on her, gives her the strength she needs

It's to easy to miss the things that matter

A warm beer with friends, a smile from a someone that loves us

A kind word.

What are all the awards in the world, without someone to share them with

What's the use of a legacy, without someone to leave it to

It's the little wins that matter, we all have an impact on someone

And to someone, we are all that matter

And just making their day, making them smile

Beats any award any man can offer

But poor Steve slaves on, unfulfilled

Oblivious that his very smile, saves a life each day

A life that could go on to save another, and that life another

That may give birth to the future leader that ends world hunger

An accomplishment dear Steve remains oblivious to

Till his dying day...

Oblivious that his smile

My Pet

You walk into a room like air slipping into a vacuum

For all those asphyxiated lungs to breathe

And shockingly you don’t realise that’s the effect you have on me

And on everyone else who has the chance to spend time with you

I’ve learnt you cannot choose the way people make you feel

Or the effect they have on you when they leave

You may choose to dull your emotions with alcohol or reasoning

But in the end it doesn’t change how you feel

So it’s better to learn to appreciate the moments

You get to spend with those you enjoy

And if you surround yourself with all those kinds of people

So I want to surround myself with you

And seeing as these feelings are never shared with many

I want to take my time in sharing them with you

And when they ask in years to come, the reason and motivation for who I am

I swear my dear the answer is you.

And I know you’ll never understand the reason why I love you

Just like I can’t figure out why you love me

I’m just glad I met you and got to be with you

And wait for the moment you say...I do.

Wudan Monk

I'll turn into a stone bridge, endure a 1000 years of rain, 1000 years of wind, 1000 years of snow just for the hope that someday you might cross my path

Question the Answers

Forget about the questions, it’s the answers that keep me awake at night

Cos’ if the answers are solutions

Solutions to the issues bring conclusions to the problem

Meaning after the answers there’s nothing left to do

So if you are my answer to all of life’s questions

You see my dilemma dear

So let’s have a fight or two

So i can conjure up ways to make up with you

And let the fear that I might not wake up next to you

Motivate me to find more ways of pleasing you

So even if my answer is always you

The question becomes ways of loving you

Even though I may not have to prove to you

The way I feel about you

I want to make sure when the life is through

I’m sure I ended it with you

With a smile on your face

Your answer still being me, too

...

Let’s call a spade a spoon

Let’s dabble around with words so eloquently

Let’s call these caricatures, toons

And mask the way we feel with words that have no meaning

We can retreat to dreams and ambitions

Then evaluate our lives on words unspoken by others

Let’s take breaks from our lives and selves

And find meaning in little fistfuls of air

And in the end you’ll grow and become happy

While we try to connect the dots on how that became

And I’ll sit and write your life’s parody

Filled with all the things you were to scared to play

The easy route has always been best traveled

So why would our lives be any different

And as a gift of your life’s accomplishment

I’ll do the one thing you always dreamt to do

I’ll break my own heart into a thousand pieces

And baby you won’t feel a thing