Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Demon Days

Now it was one of those periods in my life when I was having one of those demon days, so I decide to hit a bar to get hammered. Yeah I was hoping that the excess alcohol would help me get through the day safely. Now for those of you that don’t know what a demon day is, it’s a time, day or moment when for no foreseeable reason you feel like kicking the shit out of anyone and everyone you meet. You’re pissed at the world and you want to be alone because at any moment you could snap. Simply, it’s a day you just feel positively evil, hence demon day.

Anyway, I get into the bar and I order myself a bottle. I had no plans on how to get home, if I’d get home or what was going to happen that night, I just wanted to loose my mind before it lost me. I knew how bad things could get if I didn’t get it outta me, I’d thought of totally despicable things to do to practically everyone that had come my way today and I was just inches away from deflating my bosses tires of my best friend hadn’t called me to complain about his nagging wife, poor sucker.

Now I hadn’t gotten past my first drink when I hear this irritating sound that just starts getting on my nerves. I try to block it out but after two drinks it just gets worse and I just have to find out what the heck it is. Turns out it’s a guy nagging his wife, a guy, nagging! Now I’m really irritated, what kind of arsehole is this? He not only desecrates the sanctity of the drinking grounds by bring his wife to the bar; he actually stoops so low as to nag. Now that’s just it, it’s way to low. A man should never nag, even in his own house. Your wife pisses you off, you shut the hell up if you not the kind that belts her and go to a bar and let off some steam. Then you go home and you sleep and pray she’s calm in the morning. You do not nag your wife, especially not in public.

I’m irritated as hell now and by my 4th drink I can’t understand why no one has done anything about this. I know it’s none of our business but he’s wrecking the bar mode, we don’t want wives in a bar, no a drinking bar. You want hot chics with broken hearts and are easy to hit on and take home. By my fifth drink the demons are out and they just take over, so I walk down there with my old trusty bottle and I crack the guy’s skull.

Now I’m expecting some reaction. I mean I just hit a guy, there should be a fight starting up right about now, I mean at least someone should call the cops or something. But no one does anything and I walk back to my seat and would you believe the bartender hands me another bottle, on the house he says, he even smiles at me. I look around me and I’m getting cheers and winks from every guy around, it’s like I’m a star. I mean I’m getting the whole alpha dog treatment like I just tamed this savage land and yeah it feels good. Everyone’s smiling some guys are even laughing, come to think of it, it was a funny sight. I mean the guy saw me coming and he didn’t do a thing, dumbass.

Next thing I know, the strangest thing happens. The wife walks up to me and asks what I’m drinking. I’m stunned, in shock; I expected a slap, a punch, a kick in the nards, anything but this. She orders another bottle seats besides me, undoes her top button and starts chatting me up. While her husband’s been helped up by two other guys obviously in Never Never land.

Fast forward 2 years later, I’m back in the same bar seating opposite my new wife, who I met 2 years ago in the same bar after knocking her husband over the head with a cheap bottle of whiskey. Nagging severely and extra loudly at her for no apparent reason other than the desperate prayer that some poor bastard would just walk over and knock me the hell out of my misery!


  1. 'lol.....well...you really didnt have to say all that maybe she didnt know half of it...lol...now shes rethinking her decision.' - Hmmm are you hinting dear, lol!!!!

  2. he he he.....nice one...real funny!

  3. ur mind sure is removed...lol..nice one