My Best Enemy

Quite recently, I’ve come to the thinking that the that people we come across play an important role at every point in our lives. It’s not an easy concept to explain, but I come to believe that we meet people for a reason, that at the point in time that we meet them, they play a role in whom we are then and who we could become later on. I know loads of people would disagree with this, but consider that even while watching a movie, an extra just walking by could have a top, shirt or pair of shoes that we like so much that we rush out and get ourselves something of the sort thereby influencing our fashion.

Now the reason I mention this is cause of one my greatest inspirations, my best enemy. I've despised this guy for so long I can't remember a time I didn’t want to just kick his arse just for the sake of it. I've never really liked anything about this guy and when I found out that he wrote too, it only pushed me to write better. We've been competitors ever since, striving to better each other. I've stolen his work several times and I know he's wanted to kill me so many times for this it makes me smile. But then I read his works and it inspires me to better myself and I come to realize that I've grown as a writer not just cause of the encouragement of friends and admirers but the desire to top this arse. He's been a source of strength, inspiration, a thorn in my side and while I'll never admit this to him, I am the writer I am today because of him.

Thinking about this I've come to appreciate everyone I've ever come in contact with, the ex's that broke my heart, the friends that took advantage of me, the lost, people that have hurt me, despised me or tired to bring me down, because they have pushed me to excel and defined me in ways I can only come to appreciate now. They've inspired some of my best works. They've kept me in ideas and reasons to succeed and for this I thank them.

Now I'm not saying hey, go find everyone that ever hurt you and give them a pat on the back for it, but the realization that they have not taken but added to who you are is truly empowering. Everyone has a lesson to teach you, if you are willing to learn. Everyone has a role to play in your life, no matter how minute and how inconsequential it may seem at the time. Even the bully, if you are willing to see it can inspire you, take Beethoven for example, if his father had not bullied him to music, the world would be less some beautiful music. History has spoken of many great artists that have been tormented by oppressive figures who they have found a way to overcome and have somehow influenced who they became.

Now while I do not condone the acts of the hurtful, I appreciate their place in my life. I've learnt to be wiser, more loving, cautious and stronger in part due to these fine detractors of mine. In short, I would not be the man I am now, if not for them. So it dawns me that everyone I have ever met has added to who I am, everyone! They have molded me in some fashion sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but they have inspired something in me, added to me. And so I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for, from this influence of others and the influence I, myself have on them. That as I am hurt, I will, in my fashion, hurt others, maybe inspiring and strengthening them.

So to my best enemy, the man who has constantly pushed me, I say a big thank you for being you and for always being there. The arse and bastard that you are, an enemy worthy of envy, despised, admired and in some sick fashion, loved.

Guilty Pleasures

I was once a tasteful pleasure
A desire there, when needed
A friend on call
An ear for troubles undergone
A shoulder that was constantly sought.
A fall from grace
And suddenly things change
The devils horns I have been adorned
I am tired of being the one who brings out the worst in you
Who makes you feel bad for doing the things you do
I’m tired of making you feel guilty for coming to me when in need
Even though you know I strive to be there for you
I’m tired of being the one who has to understand you are a child
And still have a lot of growing up to do
I’m tired of being seen as overbearing
Just because you feel I care too much
I’m tired of being the one who has to lift you up and see you as a saint
I’m tired of having to bear all your unfounded insecurities
And your skewed view of crime and punishment
I’m tired of having to understand your selfish ways and needs
I’m tired of having to show you the good in you, when you refuse to see
I’m tired of having to be the saint and adult, the sin and the sinner
I’m tired of how your problems overwhelm you, so that nothing else seems to matter
I’m tired of your nonchalant words, spoken in vile disrespect
While explaining what I feel and see, isn’t what is
I’m tired of hearing about your insecurities, knowing they are childish and vain
And the fact that you refuse to open your heart and mind moves me to pity
And how you complain about needing to learn how to love
When you refuse to see all the love around you, showered on you
I am tired of seeing all you could be, while you stay blind to it
I’m tired of being your crutch, while you refuse to acknowledge I might need one as well
I’m tired of your standards and how you refuse to bend
Of how you willing give the best of yourself to others
But I get the short end of the stick
I’m tired of you getting upset that I feel this way
When your actions tell the score
Of you making everything about you
While I am constantly denied
I’m tired of being your guilty pleasure
And for feeling bad that I want more.
And so this guilty pleasure promises to be sweet no more
And with vile intent, to act he part that you have written
To find the door and seal it shut
So you needn't find a way in any more
To access this guilty pleasure
That you never really needed.