Thorns and Roses

For every time we break up, I promise myself this time I’ll let go

But there like clockwork I’m sending you another mail, saying we need to talk

I try my best to stay away, but the days are more miserable without you than they are alone

I hate the way you make me feel small, when you snap at me on your moody days

They make me withdraw into a depressed shell, I find hard to get out off

But in myself destructive ways, even those days beat seconds without you

I know, you know how much I love you and how into you I am

Your belief in me, made me the man I am

Your sticking by me made my days worth the while

Being able to share the tiniest things with you, for the longest while, was the only reason i am here

I hate how your crappy moody days can bring me so down

And I hate how helpless they make me feel

If I can find a way to bring you out of them

Maybe then I can find a point to life

What’s life without pain, joy without the possibility of sorrow?

I’m resigned to the fact that it’s the people we love the most

That have the greatest capability to hurt us

And as my feelings for you could never change

I guess I’ll endure this balance between pleasure and pain

Till I can a way to murder all your crappy days.

Marriage Tales

At nineteen my father told me the story that ensured that I never looked at my mum the same way. It happened way before I was born and is basically the reason my father always did what my mum asked.

My father had just inherited a summer house from his dead grandpa and my mum decided that was what she wanted as her birthday present, so she ‘nicely’ asked my father to sign over the deed to her. Naturally my father didn’t take her seriously and refused vehemently. Well that night my father gets home to a world class dinner, all his favorites carefully prepared and set down just for him. Thinking my mum was just trying to buy her way to the deed, my father wined and dined on what he still says was one of the best meals of his life.

After dinner she takes him up to the bedroom, undresses him and gives him a good bath. She then proceeds to give him a soothing massage during which she handcuffs his hands and legs to the bed. At this point he tells me he was really feeling bad about having to still refuse her request after all this effort. The house had been in his family for years, a cherished childhood retreat and here my mum wanted the house so she could give it away to her bum brother who even now still can’t keep down a job nor his liquor.

Then it happened, right after she had his legs cuffed, she stopped dead in her tracks, looked him dead in the eyes and asked him one last time if he would give her house, feeling as bad as a man could possibly feel, my father denied her for the last time. She rolled off him, sat at the end of the bed and lit a cigarette; my father had never seen my mum smoke before then. He smiled, knowing it was going to be a standoff, thinking he sleep it off, but then the southern uprising began. It was then my mother slyly displayed the empty bottle of aphrodisiacs. The color drained from his face as he watched her walk over to the television set to begin playing a porno.

Well my dad fought the good fight but alas he gave in after an hour or two or so he says. That’s how my mum got the deed of the house and that’s why my father hardly, if ever, said no to my mother as long as she lived.

Always Trust The Gene Genie

Dude, it was like something out of a ‘Back to the future’ movie, least for me it was. I mean man, it’s not every day you have a guy pop out of nowhere trying to convince you that he’s from the future and that you need to go with him. He wasn’t dressed like he was from the future, not like I know what they’d be wearing in some odd forty years from now. He played the part convincingly though; he knew everything about me, so it was hard to just dismiss this as some whack job off the street playing a prank. Not like I had any friends who’d go through these lengths to try play a prank on me.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any weirder dude says the oddest thing, no, no, no not ‘come with me if you want to live’, I mean if he’d said that it wouldn’t have struck me as odd, it’d have just made me laugh my arse off. But honestly I half expected him to say that, but no, he went all Uncle Sam on me with the future needs you route. I mean this felt straight out of a Tales of the Unknown comic book. But before I could protestor even consider screaming for help, cause dude I was really feeling right unsave about then, whoosh, bright lights, strange body sensations and then suddenly I’m in strange surroundings.

Well at first I’m thinking I’d just been hit on the head to hard and I was cold stone out in some delusional dream. Heck I still do, but everything feels so real and if I haven’t woken up already then I must be in some funky coma. Anyhow when I could finally get my head right and take a look around me, not much had changed, least not the trees and major surroundings. I was beginning to feel all punked out but something in my head kept telling me ‘Dorothy, you’re not in Kansas anymore’. And then it hit me, it was the little things, posters on the walls, weapons the cops were carrying, the model cars people were driving, the slangs being used, I definitely wasn’t, least mentally, in my time any more.

As I watched the smile creep unto his face, wanting so desperately to wipe it off with a punch, it occurred to me there was one simple way to confirm all this, where and when I was. I’d seen enough movies to know this; I asked him for some change, examined it and then went off to buy a paper. Well he hadn’t been taking me for a ride, other than to the future that is, some odd thirty or forty years into it. My head started spinning and I knew I had to sit down so we find a dinner and while I clear my head with a milkshake, he fills me on why the heck I’m here.
Apparently he was serious, he did want me to save the future, the world had gone south and not the good south. The story is that some years back a vibrant charmer gets into power with lovely promises of grandeur, why do people believe such crap. Well at first he delivers and ends up uniting the all the countries together, eliminating borders and nuclear war and makes everything peachy as he promised. But then, not too long ago something sets him off and dude snaps and just goes crazy making things unbearable. He starts murdering people, causing famine in areas, locking people up, using them for experiments all the things that make for a brutal oppressive dictator. He starts destroying everything that he had built and so the people rebelled, but they couldn’t touch him see, so the other powers that be decided to take him out.

Now this is where I come in because as it is, the me from my time is the only one that can do it as I’m the only one that can gain access to him in his fortress. Everyone else who could do it from their time and who would oppose him had been eliminated by you know who. That’s why they come to the past to get me. I can’t tell you the thoughts that ran through my head other than shit this is freaking confusing, giving me a headache and how it sucks that I was dead in the future probably killed by this jerk. Now as I was getting all righteously pissed that I was probably killed in my prime even , they refuse to give me details so as not to influence the future, blah blah, it hit me, mundane little old me who did nothing with my time but watch movies and play video games was finally motivated to actually do something worthwhile, stand up for something, I got killed for it, but hey.

So yeah I agree to do this, just to avenge me of the future, my death shall not be in vain. And well for once in my life someone needs me, something needs me. Enough to go the mile to get me, plus hey I get to save the future, goes great on your resume. Now if only there was the girl I’d be getting at the end of this as well. I’d talk to him about that when I got back

Now he tells me my access key to the fortress is my DNA, and I’m, thinking typical, I’m gonna bleed whether I live through this or not. So I break into the fortress, gun in hand and somehow, I’d never understand get to where the dictator is. I’m already dreaming of all the newspaper headlines the next day with my name and if ‘hey baby I saved the future’ is a good pick up line at the bars. Anyways I open the door and right there in front of me is an older version of me.
That’s when it hits me, that’s the reason I had the right DNA, I’d probably rigged the office to my DNA only. They brought me from the past to kill me in the future, talk about irony. Now all the inner versions of me start running wild with personal thoughts like

The religious catholic me: would this be technically suicide?

The moral me: do I hate the things I’ve done in the future so much to kill me for it?

The practical me: couldn’t I just reason with myself to find out why I did this and talk me out of this destructive path

The vain me: damn, I still look good in the future

The egotistic me: hell yeah! I’m the guy in power, top dog! How cool is that? And my teachers said I’d amount to nothing.

The conscience me: what is the future me thinking right now, what is he feeling? Does he think I am betraying me?

The logical me: could the two me’s just strike a deal?

While the educated me tried his best to reconcile the best solution to this unusual problem. Now what would you do in my shoes?

Well least to say, the greedy me won! So I shot future me and seized power. Then I had the guy who brought me to the future eliminated and took the time device, I mean, bring me to the future to kill myself. Now I transverse between being a bummer, move / gamer borderline junkie of the past and being the cool righteous get anything I want and still treat the people right, ruler of the world in the future. So much for time paradox!

Me through your eyes

What do you see when you look at me?
The man I am or the man you want me to be
The man I was or the man I could be
The man I want to be or the man I should be
The man you need me to be or the man He made me to be
A man flawed and uncertain or the man you admire
A man you could grow to love or the man you do love
A man whose needs overwhelm you or a man who lifts and inspires you
A man you could make do with or a man you wouldn’t want to be without
A father or a sperm donor
A giver, supplimenting your needs, or a taker, draining life and love out of you
A friend that could grow to be a lover
A lover that could grow to be a friend
A brother to call on and lean on
Or a name you hold in detest and shame
Do you see me for my flaws, who I am or who I could grow to be?
As a man striving to constantly better himself, to improve
Or a face wallowing in what once was
Be my mirror; let me see myself through your eyes
Tell me what you see when you look at me

My Itch

She didn’t have to say the words
It was written in her eyes
All he had to do was read the signs
Only then he realized
All the hurt that had transpired
She had kept it all within
Bore inside her personal sins
She wore these just like a cross
As the measure of the self she saw
Watching all her flaws as a mirror
Loosing herself to find redemption
Till all her set backs became damnation
And yet this fool loved her
Ever willing for het to suffer
While she solely believed she was incapable of this emotion
Her vanity her only devotion
Blind to see that till she truly loved herself
She could never truly share that part of herself
In her head he never met her requirements
So irrelevant were his accomplishments
And as shadows fall and graves get dug
His dying wish the angels sing
That she learn to forgive her past and pause
To appreciate herself for whom she was
To him she always would be incomplete
Till she learnt to love her own feet

Arike mi

Life in itself is all to fleeting
The moments that pass, they run so fast
But if these worthless days are shared
By a body worthy to be cared
The microseconds seem to last
So that every second we waste
Makes the minutes we taste
Appear so bland and chaste
And there you stand out of six billion and more
The solitary wind that directs my sails
Through hail and storm leading me to your shore
Life is a journey, I make my way through
A passing guest at many hearts
But the reason I kept moving
Even when the roads where hard and rough
The thought of coming home to you, gets me through.
You are the best that I can be
The highest accolade I could receive
The more I learn the better I see
You are the building blocks that make up me
You are the answer to the questions
I haven’t even thought of
The reason I wake and why I dream
You are the place I call home
Where my heart returns at the end of the day
The only reason I walk this road of life
Is to return to you
The times that we’re far apart
Only make sense because of the times we have shared
And I only make it through the days
Because I dream of coming back to you
Even if we don’t end up together
And another place your heart ends
I’ll still come home to you
Every day I spend
You’re my final destination
And I always run home to you

Stolen Works

My inspiration wanes
I’m lost in the pain
I can hardly find a reason to breathe today
Can’t afford the alcohol to drown my sorrows
Here, I have lost the will to believe tomorrow
I watch the people pass by, in their own little worlds
I know they don’t see me, if they did they’d hurl
My friends are worst than enemies, they judge and stare
You would too when you read this, but I am beyond care
What you can’t see is the darkness that lies within
And the places it takes me with its numerous sins
This pen is a gun and the ink is a bullet
These words are my blood, gushing out from my gullet
By the time this is done
My life would be gone
Your shaking heads will tilt in pity
But your hearts won’t feel me
And before the sun dawns I’ll be forgotten
Just a faded thought, lost and rotten