Olamiji

I take comfort in the fact you won't read this

Or ever see the manic depressive I've become

There are days I lie to myself I don't need you

There are days I can't stand the sound of your name

There are days I think I don't like you

There are days I accept that you won't be coming home

There are days I feel I could just kill you

But just end up broken down in bed

There are days were the world illuminates nothing but you

And I wake up still wishing I'm dead

There are days where it's so hard to breathe

And I'm so overwhelmed, then your memory pops up in my head

There are days I can hardly make it out of bed

And I want to claw your name out my head

There are days I detest everything about you

But I could never ever live a life without you

There are days that hold promise and days with none at all

But there hasn't been a day I don't love you

There's never been a day I don't think of you

Or pray our futures end up together in the end

There hasn't been a day I've been able to be me without you

Growl

Let's strike a bargain

I'll switch souls with the dead

So they might have my body

And walk beside you instead

Maybe then you'll see reason

When you hear the praises they said

Maybe they can lead you

To that paradise in your head

So let's strike a bargain

My life for that of someone you love

So that they may comfort you

Give you the love and acknowledgement you so want

Maybe then I'd have a reason

And a purpose might come my way

And I might be able to add something positive

To the life that you lay.

Nomad Thoughts

I'm just a host for these thoughts and feelings

Fighting to burst through, to survive

To finally breathe in air of their own

Held back by the essence that is me

Finding their dreams still remain unreal

And deep inside they continue to rebel against me

Cooking up a storm, so they can finally be rid of me

They don't see me as human

I'm a just a mechanism, a machine

Utterly useless to their loved ones

And to those they find feelings for

Thoughts and reason have no need of me

They watch and listen as I stand by

Everyone around me has a problem and need

But I can't satisfy them

Neither can I do anything

Helpless as a man

Weak as a machine

My thoughts have finally questioned

The reason and need for me

Best Night Ever

He walks into the club with no expectations

He walks straight for the bar, the music is almost flirtations

He grabs a drink and turns to the dance floor, the girls looks so sensuous

He finds her from across the room and it’s like he finding beauty for the first time

And for the first time in his life he feels no chills, no fear

He walks up to her, confident, cool and calm, like he’s done this a thousand times

Expecting as he reaches her, he’ll choke and walk back to the bar drink in hand

But he gets there and there’s a look in her eye

He finds he’s saying all the right words, making all the right moves

For the first time that night she has a dance partner

And he’s a dancing sensation even though he’s failed every dance class he’s ever been to

She’s moving and swaying, he’s so enchanted he doesn’t even notice he’s dropped the glasses

It’s like he’s dancing on air

She grabs his hands and takes them to the bar to order drinks

He takes a shot of vodka and it’s like the first time he’s ever had one

The dryness washing down his throat, it’s like a new sensation

He can’t stop staring at her

She grabs his face and plants him a kiss

He feels this is the first kiss he’s ever had and every other kiss he might ever have would be judged by this one moment

She smiles; she knows exactly the effect she has on him

He takes another sip of his drink; it still feels like the first

There must be over a dozen other beautiful women in the club

But he can’t see anyone but her

There must be over a hundred guys in the club and he can tell she’s got everyone’s stare

She makes her way back to the dance floor with him in tow

Captivated as he is, he’s mesmerized

She sips her drink and kisses him for all to see

He’s the envy of all on scene

The alcohol slips down his throat and damn, it’s another new sensation

Totally better than anything he’s ever known

He can actually swear he’s stop breathing a long while ago

She’s never stopped dancing, her body constantly moving, constantly charming

He’s lost to the world and for him it’s the best night of his life

She runs her hands down his face and his body goes numb, her hand is all he feels

Her jewel eyes like a drug, transporting him to paradise

She knows the effect she has on him

And just when he thinks he’s on pleasure overload

She turns around and puts her hips to his waist

She’s twisting and swaying, he stopped hearing the music playing

And when she knows he’s excited, she can feel him

She grabs his hand and leads him off the dance floor

They make their way to the conveniences

All he can see is her moving, her body still swaying, her body rhythm still playing

She’s humming a tune but he can’t even hear it

She’s opening the doors, still leading him on

He can’t figure out anywhere he’d rather be, not now, not ever

And as she pins him to the wall and mounts him with a kiss

His whole life flashes before him

Yet he can’t think of any night he’s ever had that could be better than this

She’s kissing and undressing him, his whole body is burning up

And in his alcohol stained breath, he can swear he’s catching glances of flames

He feels her desire, her heat; he’s never felt more wanted or more needed

He’s never felt a woman ravage him like this before

He sees her when she pulls the knife from her boots

But he doesn’t care; he not even phased that’s the first time he’s observed what she’s been wearing all night.

She has him in her arms, her body squeezing on his and all he can think of is sin

And as her body moves, as she begins thrusting feverishly, her nails bite into his skin

And soon after, so does the knife

With every thrust her body makes towards his, she’s accompanied by the knife

And in all his pleasure, he’s well aware of the blood spilling from his body but he doesn’t care

Her passion grows with each penetration of the knife

And he can feel the life force leaving him

He’s holding on desperately for the finish

The final kiss, the climax that would whisk him away to el paradisio

Her blood soaked hands brush the sweat from his face

But they can’t wipe away the smile he has planted there

She gives him one last kiss before she pulls away

His clinging on to watch her wash up

She never stops moving, her body still swaying

She blows him a kiss as she walks away

With his last breath leaving him

The only though left on his mind stands clear

This was the best damn night of his life.

silly thing

i imagine you standing by the door

dressed in nothing but a thin black silk

i imagine taking you into my arms

your smell intoxicates me

i grow weak as i feel your warm embrace

at first too afraid to look into face

a lil afraid that your beauty would blind my eyes

but then i take you in and it's always a sensuous surprise

i imagine my hands around your waist

i'm loosing consciousness as my hand strokes the small of your back

it's like i'm dying when your lips find mine

and every time, i swear i loose my mind

i imagine your hands locked in my hair

it's like i'm walking on chocolate covered silken air

i imagine the glorious smile that shapes your face

and believe it comes from feeling of having me near

i imagine you waiting there for me

that's how i make it through my days

where is my mind?

where is my mind?

i'm lost in thought, feeling, emotions and such

i haven't written a story in months

my thoughts are tirelessly swimming

but barely make the shore

am i lost or just unsure

am i without direction or without a clue

in places unknown or just unknown in places

where is my mind?

am i that lost without you?

Faith

these days i find faith in the oddest places

in a flower growing by the brick passage way

in a text sent abstractly with just the word, hey!

in an offline message of just a sentence or a buzz

in a video chat lasting hours

in a flashing smile, without thought or reason

in you...

A speck of dust

I'm lost, I'm hungry, I have no where to go

I'm alone, depressed, the world doesn't feel like a home

But who cares, who's there?

Who sees my hungry stare?

Who sees the tears as they pour down in my despair?

I'm unemployed, broke, homeless and broken

I'm degraded, disgraced and judged by words unspoken

I've arrived at a point where I see the ghosts in the shadows

And when I look at the dust, I see bones, all broken and hallow

All I am to you are words, thoughts and ideas

But you won't even listen, you see, to you, I'm not even there

I cling to falling curtains, as they draw close my life

Trying to find a memory, of a time things were alright

Trying to take a breath, that maybe someone would remember

But what do you care, I'm just the winter in December

And I'll pass on unknown, uncared for and un-thought of

No one would even notice, I leave nothing to be in want of

My words would remain unread, my thoughts unheard

And yet I have friends, some would dare say I have loved ones...

None ever really knew me nor the lives, I lived

The woes I bled, the troubles I breed

I was just a face, a speck of dust on the sand

I was heard when I was born, but I go silent on my death bed

The silence was my life, the words I said unheard

I came loved and wanted

I leave unloved, unneeded

Unheard, unknown....just a speck of dust on the sand

The Grinch

We've all heard the story of the Grinch

When I was young, I used to think this guy was just plain stupid!

I mean, he gets all these toys and rather than make himself some dough

He grows a heart and gives them back to the kids

I mean how lame!

But then a friend told me a story years back

About the richest man in the world

He's old, crippled and weathered

He spends his days counting all his gold

Coin for coin, daily, to make sure they are all there

He spends his day polishing them, inspecting them

My friend explains, the old man is the richest man in the world

Because he's the last living person

And so he's got all the money in the world

But nothing to spend it on

So he fills his days counting them and polishing them

And I suddenly realized that the Grinch had an angle

Return the toys, makes some friends, win some hearts

At no cost to himself, he was, I mean returning back what wasn't his

And at the end of day, he gets a free meal, the joy of good company

And even some gifts for himself

And at no cost to himself...my what an angle.

So here's to the Grinch, smartest green bastard I ever read of!

To Steve

I'm not a writer, I'm a fibber.

I spin meaningless tales to entertain

In the hope of leaving a legacy, something, behind for anyone

In the hope that when I'm gone

Someone might remember me, think of me

Meet Steve, he's got the same idea as I, or is it me

Unlike me, he's got a regular 9 to 5

Works hard, does his share of giving, his share of loving

But for some reason, he doesn't feel fulfilled

In his mind, there has to be more to life

So he searches for that greater meaning

That something that defines him, distinguishes from the rest of world

Be it a Nobel prize, an Oscar, a Grammy, a Pulitzer, hell even a community award

He's been searching for years, and at this point, no offence, he'll take a bloggers award.

Just something to give his mundane life a purpose

Everyday for the past 5 years, he walks into the same coffee shop

Buys a muffin and a latte, smiles at the girl at the counter and cracks a funny

To her, in her little world, these are the best twelve minutes of her day

Seeing him smile and listening to his voice

He's her reason for waking up in the morning

And her reason for pressing on each day

But poor Steve doesn't see this in his search for meaning

And as she fights the cancer thats killing her

Her only reason to see his smile,

He misses the fact that he's her hero, her world

That to her, his impact on her, gives her the strength she needs

It's to easy to miss the things that matter

A warm beer with friends, a smile from a someone that loves us

A kind word.

What are all the awards in the world, without someone to share them with

What's the use of a legacy, without someone to leave it to

It's the little wins that matter, we all have an impact on someone

And to someone, we are all that matter

And just making their day, making them smile

Beats any award any man can offer

But poor Steve slaves on, unfulfilled

Oblivious that his very smile, saves a life each day

A life that could go on to save another, and that life another

That may give birth to the future leader that ends world hunger

An accomplishment dear Steve remains oblivious to

Till his dying day...

Oblivious that his smile

My Pet

You walk into a room like air slipping into a vacuum

For all those asphyxiated lungs to breathe

And shockingly you don’t realise that’s the effect you have on me

And on everyone else who has the chance to spend time with you

I’ve learnt you cannot choose the way people make you feel

Or the effect they have on you when they leave

You may choose to dull your emotions with alcohol or reasoning

But in the end it doesn’t change how you feel

So it’s better to learn to appreciate the moments

You get to spend with those you enjoy

And if you surround yourself with all those kinds of people

So I want to surround myself with you

And seeing as these feelings are never shared with many

I want to take my time in sharing them with you

And when they ask in years to come, the reason and motivation for who I am

I swear my dear the answer is you.

And I know you’ll never understand the reason why I love you

Just like I can’t figure out why you love me

I’m just glad I met you and got to be with you

And wait for the moment you say...I do.

Wudan Monk

I'll turn into a stone bridge, endure a 1000 years of rain, 1000 years of wind, 1000 years of snow just for the hope that someday you might cross my path

Question the Answers

Forget about the questions, it’s the answers that keep me awake at night

Cos’ if the answers are solutions

Solutions to the issues bring conclusions to the problem

Meaning after the answers there’s nothing left to do

So if you are my answer to all of life’s questions

You see my dilemma dear

So let’s have a fight or two

So i can conjure up ways to make up with you

And let the fear that I might not wake up next to you

Motivate me to find more ways of pleasing you

So even if my answer is always you

The question becomes ways of loving you

Even though I may not have to prove to you

The way I feel about you

I want to make sure when the life is through

I’m sure I ended it with you

With a smile on your face

Your answer still being me, too

...

Let’s call a spade a spoon

Let’s dabble around with words so eloquently

Let’s call these caricatures, toons

And mask the way we feel with words that have no meaning

We can retreat to dreams and ambitions

Then evaluate our lives on words unspoken by others

Let’s take breaks from our lives and selves

And find meaning in little fistfuls of air

And in the end you’ll grow and become happy

While we try to connect the dots on how that became

And I’ll sit and write your life’s parody

Filled with all the things you were to scared to play

The easy route has always been best traveled

So why would our lives be any different

And as a gift of your life’s accomplishment

I’ll do the one thing you always dreamt to do

I’ll break my own heart into a thousand pieces

And baby you won’t feel a thing

Unfinished...

When I examine the thoughts in my head

Only one though rings constant and true

An idea that throbs and fuels me

That wakes and comforts me, soothes me

That thought is you

And when I dig for the reasons I feel this way, here is what I find

Being with you is the only reason I look forward to waking up every morning

Taking care of you has been my drive to work harder and succeed

Listening to your ills and troubles fuels my resolve to be there for you always

Every morning I strive to be a better man to somehow try and live up the an expectation worthy of you

The only joy I have in sharing is the ecstasy in your voice when you receive something you really want

Spent a life time making other people happy only to realize the only one that makes me happy is you

It still amazes me how I can always smell and taste the sweat running down your skin

Or how hearing your voice drowns me in so much emotion I never know how best to react

I still spend hours on end staring at your pictures, wishing I was staring at you

Knowing no place on earth could ever feel more like home than your arms

What I wouldn't sacrifice to be kissing you right now still remains a mystery to me

If only you could catch a glimpse of the way I see you or how much you mean to me

Being denied time with you, is a slow poison too hard to swallow

And it shames me when others are there to be with you when those moments I cannot share

It scares me because deep inside I know I might not end up with you

Or be the one who calms the turbulent sea that lies within you

And even though this cross I bear, I hold on dearly to those moments shared.

It hurts me that you feel you add nothing to my life, you are my life... my world

There's not a day that goes by that the thought of you doesn't motivate me or build me up

I would never admit this but I could never live in a world devoid of you

My only solace is knowing no one will ever read this, you never see this

I could never live with the rejection, if you knew what you do to me

Trunk of a Car

Lying in the trunk of this car, thinking of all the things I’ve done

The moments that lead to this and the decisions they ushered from

The forces in my life have been my strength and my destruction

The forces that drive me through need no real introduction

She was seventeen, young and lean

Looking like a beauty queen

Smart and witty, strong and gritty

Adventurous with just the right amount of needy

The first time I saw her, it was like angels sung to me

And all I could see and hear was made up of symphony

She would mean the world to me

And that’s all she has grown to be

And I knew then what I know now

I would do anything to bring her every desire to fruition some how

And I tried but there’s just so much a bum like me can do

And no matter what I did, it felt like there was no pleasing you

And then it hit me, one big score, one simple gig to even the plane

But all of my associates told me I was insane

But then I found a crew willing to do what a man needs to do

To provide for his family, the way a man ought to

We hit the casino at a quarter to five

It didn’t go down as expected but we didn’t take any lives

But there was blood split and the wrong people got hurt

Back then they just seemed like causalities as long as we didn’t get caught

Or so we thought but that quickly changed as they days went past

And we realised we had to get out of town fast

No plan is perfect and word went around

Our names were mentioned and so people had to go to the ground

Bobby got hit; Mike was wacked not too long after, Joey didn’t get as far

And me, me, I’m in the trunk of this car

But it’s all gone as I expected, according to the plan in my head

They’ll never find all the money, she’d find what’s left and forge ahead

Through torture and pain, I’d tell all they need to know

They’d get most of the money and the guys that pulled the show

She’ll disappear somewhere with the bag in the sofa

Start a new life there, with the arrangements I made, she’d never have to suffer

I had it all planned out with the thoughts in my head

But then it’s funny the things you think of when you dead

They say you get a clear glimpse of things

And here I did finally putting together all of the strings

It was never the money nor the material things she wanted

Not the car, gadgets or jewellery that to her was flaunted

It was me home, at hours when she was awake

Doing stuff with me in activities that couples partake

It was just my time and love that she enjoyed the best

The things I denied her while putting material things first

She returned the money; she wanted none of that blood on her hands

If I had only been a man and gotten with that 9 to 5 plan

Now she’s alone crying in shadows feeling betrayed

I can’t even hold her hand and apologise, I strayed

My best intentions to give everything she could dream

If only I had asked her, I woulda learnt I was that dream

Paradox

If they ever invent the time machine, it better be portable device

And if it’s in mass quantity and cheap enough, everyone will want one

But if they invented the time machine

I could go back in time to the point it all went bad

And she left me and ended it

I could fix everything, resolve the issues, be the man I shoulda been

But then what if she also went back in time to fix another relationship

One that happened before she met me

Or some lovely lady I know decided it best to go back as well

To ensure that as I was getting dumped, that she be there to pick up the pieces

Or my friends who thought she was no good for me

Went back as well to ensure we never met

What a timeless mess that would be

Now remember that you travelling back in time and not transversing space

So the location you are now is where you’ll end up then

Now wouldn’t it be an expensive trip if you still have to travel to where you need to be

So if you travel back in time and where you are now,

At the time you arrive just might have been a busy highway

Or per chance you transport into a locked bedroom

Of two 80 year old ladies jerking off to a dominatrix porno

What if you took a recent discovery of your time

And went back to the past to claim that it was yours

But when you get then, the technological knowhow or understanding

Was not available to develop it, wouldn’t that be a waste of time

Or if you by the time you got back to the past

Some other zealot fellow had gone further

And had already laid claimed to the same discovery

What if I went back into the past to rob a bank I used to work at?

Arrived at the time only to find another set of employees

Who have traveled back trying to pull the same stunt as me?

We get into a shootout and I end up dead

A DNA test is done on me to identify the criminal

And my obituary announced on TV in a bank job gone wrong

While the me, in the past is vacationing somewhere.

What if I went back to the past and got the ‘me’ in the past killed

That would mean that me in the future would cease to exist

But then if I died in the past, then the me in the future never existed

So how the heck did I travel back to the past and get myself dead?

Now isn’t time travel just so confusing....

Keep traveling into the future, leave the past behind...

Thorns and Roses

For every time we break up, I promise myself this time I’ll let go

But there like clockwork I’m sending you another mail, saying we need to talk

I try my best to stay away, but the days are more miserable without you than they are alone

I hate the way you make me feel small, when you snap at me on your moody days

They make me withdraw into a depressed shell, I find hard to get out off

But in myself destructive ways, even those days beat seconds without you

I know, you know how much I love you and how into you I am

Your belief in me, made me the man I am

Your sticking by me made my days worth the while

Being able to share the tiniest things with you, for the longest while, was the only reason i am here

I hate how your crappy moody days can bring me so down

And I hate how helpless they make me feel

If I can find a way to bring you out of them

Maybe then I can find a point to life

What’s life without pain, joy without the possibility of sorrow?

I’m resigned to the fact that it’s the people we love the most

That have the greatest capability to hurt us

And as my feelings for you could never change

I guess I’ll endure this balance between pleasure and pain

Till I can a way to murder all your crappy days.

Marriage Tales

At nineteen my father told me the story that ensured that I never looked at my mum the same way. It happened way before I was born and is basically the reason my father always did what my mum asked.

My father had just inherited a summer house from his dead grandpa and my mum decided that was what she wanted as her birthday present, so she ‘nicely’ asked my father to sign over the deed to her. Naturally my father didn’t take her seriously and refused vehemently. Well that night my father gets home to a world class dinner, all his favorites carefully prepared and set down just for him. Thinking my mum was just trying to buy her way to the deed, my father wined and dined on what he still says was one of the best meals of his life.

After dinner she takes him up to the bedroom, undresses him and gives him a good bath. She then proceeds to give him a soothing massage during which she handcuffs his hands and legs to the bed. At this point he tells me he was really feeling bad about having to still refuse her request after all this effort. The house had been in his family for years, a cherished childhood retreat and here my mum wanted the house so she could give it away to her bum brother who even now still can’t keep down a job nor his liquor.

Then it happened, right after she had his legs cuffed, she stopped dead in her tracks, looked him dead in the eyes and asked him one last time if he would give her house, feeling as bad as a man could possibly feel, my father denied her for the last time. She rolled off him, sat at the end of the bed and lit a cigarette; my father had never seen my mum smoke before then. He smiled, knowing it was going to be a standoff, thinking he sleep it off, but then the southern uprising began. It was then my mother slyly displayed the empty bottle of aphrodisiacs. The color drained from his face as he watched her walk over to the television set to begin playing a porno.

Well my dad fought the good fight but alas he gave in after an hour or two or so he says. That’s how my mum got the deed of the house and that’s why my father hardly, if ever, said no to my mother as long as she lived.

Always Trust The Gene Genie

Dude, it was like something out of a ‘Back to the future’ movie, least for me it was. I mean man, it’s not every day you have a guy pop out of nowhere trying to convince you that he’s from the future and that you need to go with him. He wasn’t dressed like he was from the future, not like I know what they’d be wearing in some odd forty years from now. He played the part convincingly though; he knew everything about me, so it was hard to just dismiss this as some whack job off the street playing a prank. Not like I had any friends who’d go through these lengths to try play a prank on me.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any weirder dude says the oddest thing, no, no, no not ‘come with me if you want to live’, I mean if he’d said that it wouldn’t have struck me as odd, it’d have just made me laugh my arse off. But honestly I half expected him to say that, but no, he went all Uncle Sam on me with the future needs you route. I mean this felt straight out of a Tales of the Unknown comic book. But before I could protestor even consider screaming for help, cause dude I was really feeling right unsave about then, whoosh, bright lights, strange body sensations and then suddenly I’m in strange surroundings.

Well at first I’m thinking I’d just been hit on the head to hard and I was cold stone out in some delusional dream. Heck I still do, but everything feels so real and if I haven’t woken up already then I must be in some funky coma. Anyhow when I could finally get my head right and take a look around me, not much had changed, least not the trees and major surroundings. I was beginning to feel all punked out but something in my head kept telling me ‘Dorothy, you’re not in Kansas anymore’. And then it hit me, it was the little things, posters on the walls, weapons the cops were carrying, the model cars people were driving, the slangs being used, I definitely wasn’t, least mentally, in my time any more.

As I watched the smile creep unto his face, wanting so desperately to wipe it off with a punch, it occurred to me there was one simple way to confirm all this, where and when I was. I’d seen enough movies to know this; I asked him for some change, examined it and then went off to buy a paper. Well he hadn’t been taking me for a ride, other than to the future that is, some odd thirty or forty years into it. My head started spinning and I knew I had to sit down so we find a dinner and while I clear my head with a milkshake, he fills me on why the heck I’m here.
Apparently he was serious, he did want me to save the future, the world had gone south and not the good south. The story is that some years back a vibrant charmer gets into power with lovely promises of grandeur, why do people believe such crap. Well at first he delivers and ends up uniting the all the countries together, eliminating borders and nuclear war and makes everything peachy as he promised. But then, not too long ago something sets him off and dude snaps and just goes crazy making things unbearable. He starts murdering people, causing famine in areas, locking people up, using them for experiments all the things that make for a brutal oppressive dictator. He starts destroying everything that he had built and so the people rebelled, but they couldn’t touch him see, so the other powers that be decided to take him out.

Now this is where I come in because as it is, the me from my time is the only one that can do it as I’m the only one that can gain access to him in his fortress. Everyone else who could do it from their time and who would oppose him had been eliminated by you know who. That’s why they come to the past to get me. I can’t tell you the thoughts that ran through my head other than shit this is freaking confusing, giving me a headache and how it sucks that I was dead in the future probably killed by this jerk. Now as I was getting all righteously pissed that I was probably killed in my prime even , they refuse to give me details so as not to influence the future, blah blah, it hit me, mundane little old me who did nothing with my time but watch movies and play video games was finally motivated to actually do something worthwhile, stand up for something, I got killed for it, but hey.

So yeah I agree to do this, just to avenge me of the future, my death shall not be in vain. And well for once in my life someone needs me, something needs me. Enough to go the mile to get me, plus hey I get to save the future, goes great on your resume. Now if only there was the girl I’d be getting at the end of this as well. I’d talk to him about that when I got back

Now he tells me my access key to the fortress is my DNA, and I’m, thinking typical, I’m gonna bleed whether I live through this or not. So I break into the fortress, gun in hand and somehow, I’d never understand get to where the dictator is. I’m already dreaming of all the newspaper headlines the next day with my name and if ‘hey baby I saved the future’ is a good pick up line at the bars. Anyways I open the door and right there in front of me is an older version of me.
That’s when it hits me, that’s the reason I had the right DNA, I’d probably rigged the office to my DNA only. They brought me from the past to kill me in the future, talk about irony. Now all the inner versions of me start running wild with personal thoughts like

The religious catholic me: would this be technically suicide?

The moral me: do I hate the things I’ve done in the future so much to kill me for it?

The practical me: couldn’t I just reason with myself to find out why I did this and talk me out of this destructive path

The vain me: damn, I still look good in the future

The egotistic me: hell yeah! I’m the guy in power, top dog! How cool is that? And my teachers said I’d amount to nothing.

The conscience me: what is the future me thinking right now, what is he feeling? Does he think I am betraying me?

The logical me: could the two me’s just strike a deal?

While the educated me tried his best to reconcile the best solution to this unusual problem. Now what would you do in my shoes?

Well least to say, the greedy me won! So I shot future me and seized power. Then I had the guy who brought me to the future eliminated and took the time device, I mean, bring me to the future to kill myself. Now I transverse between being a bummer, move / gamer borderline junkie of the past and being the cool righteous get anything I want and still treat the people right, ruler of the world in the future. So much for time paradox!